our anniversary is just around the corner, which is crazy! this year has felt like a millenia; it's been rough for both of us but i'm just glad to have experienced it by your side. i get sappy with you all the time, so there really isn't much i can write about that you don't already know (not to mention i write you physical letters too...), but i really want to emphasize again that every moment i get to spend with you is lifechanging.

i've been someone who's been a last pick all my life, i haven't really had anyone that has seen me as their "first" that they would go to. the fact that i can trust and depend on the fact that every day you'll be there, and willingly choose to be around me and speak to me, it means a lot. i know that's kind of like a basic bare minimum thing but even the small things mean a lot to me and make me happy. i'm happy to be your first pick, and there's no one i'd choose to go to first besides you, too.

i know i've mentioned this to you recently but there's so much you've opened up to me about and chose to do with me that... really opened my eyes and showed me that i actually AM capable of being loved like that, and being seen in those types of positive ways... you've taught me a lot about love in ways i've never experienced before, it makes me happy beyond repair and i could never imagine having experienced it with anyone else but you. thank you for teaching me all of the ways i'm capable of being loved, and especially thank you for helping me grow out of my shell and actually letting me experience a normal, adult relationship.

i love you FOREVERRRRRRRRRR. 2 years isn't really that long in the grand scheme of things, but since i met you it feels like it's been so much longer. if only 2 years has brought us this far and strengthened our bond, love and trust for each other this much, i can't imagine how much more years will do. i'm excited to experience my future by your side, and i know whatever happens i, and we will be okay.

i love you SO MUCH!!!
words will never express how much i mean it.

i wish there were more words i could use to gush about how much you really mean to me, it's frustrating to not be able to properly verbalize JUST how much i love you and how happy you make me without repeating myself 139713 times. i love gushing about you publicly like this because the world deserves to know just how much you're loved!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i already express my affection towards you enough directly that i'm sure this is all stuff you already know, but i figured i'd type this up anyway...

you are my wiiifeeee my life partner my soulmate etc etc. you are everything to me and bring me a level of joy that i will never be able to encapsulate. as we grow closer to our 2 year anniversary i keep reflecting on how surprising it is that it's only been 2 years, all of our experiences together and how strong our relationship is it feels like i've known you my whole life and i can only imagine how much stronger our relationship will grow together over time.

i miss you SO MUCH!!!!! i'm dying to come visit you again and be with you in person again. i wish plane tickets and travel weren't so expensive because i would be visiting you regularly if i could help it. being around you was the happiest i think i have ever been. travelling for the first time, meeting you in person for the first time, and all of the other 'firsts' we experienced together; it's a feeling that can never be replicated again and i cherish it forever. all of the pictures and videos we took together i intend to treasure for the rest of my life because of just how special they are. being affectionate with you and being in the space of someone who truly adores you is such a wholesome and warm feeling and i have never felt more loved and cherished than i did in your presence. i yearn for it again so bad and i look forward to our future where we can feel that way together in person all the time, and i intend to stay with you long term to see that through ♡♡♡

i have never met someone like you. you are so kind and loving and patient, you are unique and wholly just... you, irreplacably. i cannot imagine a single person who would fit in my life just as effortlessly as you do. even first meeting you i know how comforting you were to me, how safe i felt with you even though we barely knew each other. you just. radiate this perfect comforting and inviting aura off of you and it shocks me that not more people see that quite like i do. i cherish you and you deserve to be loved and you deserve acknowledgement for what kind of a person you are, words cannot express it enough. i can only begin to hope that i'm able to express that enough for you to know that without a fraction of a doubt. the chorus of cutie boots by stepdad, ok?

you have permanently imprinted yourself on my life and changed me completely, i can feel myself growing and healing as a person every day that i spend by your side. you've been so patient and gentle with me and you've been helping to teach my trauma responses that everything is okay, i feel so secure and safe with you and you keep enforcing that feeling of comfort and security every day. you don't know how much it means to me to have such a gentle, nurturing, and loving approach to such sensitive and deeply rooted issues, especially when i've never had anyone approach me half as gently in the past before. you do such a good job at helping me grow even when it's not your responsibility at all, and i hope i've been able to make the same impact on your life as you've made on mine. i want to continue to grow and heal and become my best self for you.

it is so. so important to me to uplift you and help you in your times of need. i want to be your safety net, your rock, all of those other corny titles that all lead back to a more shortened version of "someone who will always be there for you to catch you when you fall". even when you feel like all of the world is against you, i will always be here when you need it. your safety, happiness, mental health, and security and trust all mean so much to me and i want to always do my best to support you in any way i can. i will ALWAYS be here for you. just ask and i will come running to support you in a heartbeat.

i could write on for ages so i need to stop myself before this gets longer than it already is. but just know that i love you forever and i can't wait to see you in person again.

click here for how you make me feel

♡♡♡ you're the best ever !!! ♡♡♡

i'm writing this both a little while after our one year anniversary, and also after meeting you irl for the first time, and i want to stress i fall more and more in love with you every day that we're together. my time with you irl has proven that i want to spend the rest of my life with you, i've never felt safer or more loved in my life until i was with you in person. the distance has never felt more painful now that i know what your physical presence feels like, and it's something that i look forward to, both in a sense of being able to visit you again and finally coming to live together. i can only hope you feel the same!

being with you and doing little domestic things with you, being in a space where i truly felt safe and loved for the first time in my life, and just being able to comfortably be with someone i love unconditionally, has seriously changed my life forever. your presence, whether it's online or in person, is a huge safe space for me and is something i never take for granted. you've left such a huge impression on my life that i truly don't think i'll ever meet someone else like you, you're an irreplaceable soul no matter what anyone else has said about you or treated you. anyone who has hurt you or left you missed their chance to have the honor of knowing one of the most genuine and truly amazing people in the world, and words cannot express how much you truly mean to me...

i've never worked harder or put more effort into a relationship in my life, i fully intend to make this relationship last and i'm putting my all into it for you. you have a heart of gold and i couldn't even dream of taking this relationship for granted and letting it slip between my fingers. i cherish you and our relationship together and i want to live the rest of my life with you, and whatever i can do to make it that far i will, and i know you're working hard for me too.

we're a team! it makes me beyond happy to see us looking out for each other and supporting each other despite the odds. our ability to communicate and problem solve and rationalize with each other no matter what, and defend each other and support each other in our mutual healing journey warms my heart more than i can describe. it means so much to me to know you're putting your all into us as much as i am, and i feel fully secure with you more than i have with anyone in my entire life

you deserve to be loved, no matter what you might feel or what your past experiences have taught you. it's my goal to prove all of your past experiences wrong and teach you what it's like to have a normal, healthy, and happy friendship + relationship, just as you've been teaching me as well. no matter what comes up in our future i fully believe we can survive it together and get past it. i'm rooting for a happy future for both of us, and i'm here to support you and love you until the end ♡

i LOOOOOOOVEEEEE YOUUUUUUU

you bring me a level of joy that i can't name, you're genuinely perfect for me in every way and i don't know how to express that enough. there hasn't been a single day that's passed in the entire time i've known you that i haven't felt safe, loved, cared for, and like i truly mattered by you. you are genuinely such a perfect partner, my love for you hasn't died down even a little bit since i've known you- it's only grown stronger! i could gush about you for hours, it's no secret how happy you make me and i hope you know that

you are amazing in every single way. your patience, kindness, and love is a true measure of what kind of a person you are. i want you to know how immensely you changed my life, i'm not the same person as i was when i started dating you let alone when i met you in the first place, you changed me irrevocably and made my life as bright as the sun. i treasure you and wouldn't trade you for the world and i fully intend to live out the rest of our lives together if you'll have me, there's truly no one else in the world i'd rather be beside and i can't imagine myself with anyone else. no one, and i mean no one has made me as happy as you do. you bring so much into my life and make every day a gift, i wouldn't dare even dream of giving you up

i would drop anything for you in a heartbeat if you so ask, okay? i would give so much for you, your happiness is so deeply important to me and your presence is an irreplacable one. i love you so so so much ♡♡♡

YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME i hope you know that!!!

i tell you every day, but i am so dedicated to doing everything in my power to make sure you feel nothing but safe and loved in my presence. i need your happiness more than anything, and i intend to do anything to make sure you feel safe and secure. i feel honored to be able to spend time by your side, i feel nothing but lucky to have you, and i feel completely safe with you no matter what happens. i trust you with my life, and you bring me so much joy and happiness on a day to day basis that i've genuinely never felt before now. you make me smile and laugh so hard it hurts, never in my life has someone made me as happy as you do

i love you to death, you are such a kind and down to earth person and no one deserves the kindness you bring. you deserve so much better than you've received and i want to love you enough to make up for that. you're worth so much, i can't even begin to express how much i mean that, you have an immeasurable value and deserve more love and kindness than anything in this world can offer. i hope i'm able to be the one to make that change and make you feel like the most loved person in the world. you deserve nothing less, i mean that.

you're everything to me, i would genuinely do anything for you ♡♡ just say the word and i'll be here!

my nerves were SO HIGH!!! i was so scared that something was going to go horribly wrong. for the entire month before this day, i was looking anxiously at airport guide videos to make sure i knew what i was doing.

nov 27th: plane ride there

my first time on a plane was SO PLEASANT! once i boarded i wasn't anxious at all and i had a great time (save for my hearing getting muffled from the pressure changes). it was so cool!

i had a layover in paris before arriving, but i think i was so caught up in the moment, so i didn't take all too many pictures!

nov 28th: first day

today was mostly just a rest day, since i was really jetlagged from having not slept the entire flight. me and laika just had fun and relaxed!

nov 29th: the second day

today was the first day of actually getting out to do stuff! i loved looking at how different british architecture is! we also went to a cute little fresh farm cafe that had delicious fresh food. there was a little british child who kept saying "mummy i want more..." and we were trying hard not to laugh

nov 30th: second day

went out again, to a little cafe! the walk there was GORGEOUS and i loved looking at all of the sights and animals. we messed around when we got back.

dec 1st: the convention

me and laika went to a convention together! this was their first time ever going to one. we met up with a few of our friends and hung around for a bit!

dec 3rd-4th: the hotel

we wanted to stay overnight at a hotel for fun, so we did! the experience was really fun, and the hotel room was so fancy and cozy!

dec 5th-6th: going home...

these were the last 2 days i stayed before i had to re-board the plane and leave. it was really bittersweet, but i'm really happy to have had the opportunity to even do it at all. i had a layover in amsterdam but almost missed my flight home! but otherwise had a smooth flight.

"they miss you..."

this was my first time in a plane, first time out of a country, first time travelling alone at all, and... well... first for a lot of other things, too! i'll remember it forever, and i'm glad i have photos to keep too.